How Hard Can It Be?

Behold the subterranean lump
Of white or yellowish hue:
Naming it will often stump
And bitter arguments ensue.

A swede? A turnip? Rutabaga?
A neep?  Perchance a crisp jicama?
Its nomenclature’s quite a saga
(you see how this turns into drama).

To disambiguate this mess
Is really not that tough;
We’ll go by colour.  Don’t obsess
Unless you’re a true veggie buff.

Let’s first eliminate that throng
The Scots (to simplify our chore).
They name things backwards, or just wrong,
And that would just confuse us more.

The yellow is the bigger breed:
Rutabaga, say the Yanks;
In London it would be a swede;
A turnip ‘mong the Newfie ranks.

On to white, the smaller root --
Turnip is its only term.
You knew that?  Oh, you’re quite astute.
It grows in summer, pale and firm.

The yellows -- which are winter crops --
Originate in Sweden;
I hear they even eat the tops
Or is that cows they’re feedin’?

That’s why the British call them swedes.
Rutabaga’s Swedish too --
It means “root bag” and no man needs
A simpler phrase.  Do you?

My task is done, it’s all explained
(excepting pachyrhyzus,
A mystery that’s been retained) --
Life should have some surprises.

In farmers’ fields or produce stalls,
Go forth in erudition --
Correct the grocers in the malls
And brook no opposition.