How Hard Can It Be?

Cory my Man!

Because of potential exposure to HIV infection, do you suggest flossing your teeth within the 24 hour window after you swallow a load of cum? The future of humanity rests upon your prompt and accurate response to these questions. I know you will not shirk your responsibility in this important matter. Later, kewl literary one.

-- Oral Robert, White Swallow, Arizona


Dear Oral:

Cory suggests you follow your current flossing schedule, which is daily for each of the two days that immediately precede your dental checkup, during which time you divert any ejaculate you are fortunate enough to be offered onto your intact epidermis...or, if you wish to keep a souvenir, onto an article of your clothing. (HHCIB’s legal department advises it can be very remunerative to have a catalogue of your partners’ DNA for future legal proceedings, a fact which a certain Ms. Lewinsky can corroborate).

How savvy of you to write to Canada for an answer, Oral. The 49th parallel seems to offer some antiviral properties, because in the United States “receptive” male oral sex has been considered risky while in Canada it has been considered reasonably safe. If it weren’t reasonably safe, Cory would be communicating to you from “the other side”. But then again, your scribe is merely a proud meshugginah faygeleh, not a licenced immunologist, so on the off-chance you are going to regulate your sex life based on this column (a foolish notion indeed), Cory did a cursory web search on your behalf. Eschewing AIDS Vancouver’s bewildering website (civic pride took me there first, only to be disappointed), let me suggest: http://www.gay.com/health/safetyzone/ This organization has it together.

On another, slightly related note, your use of the vernacular “cum” reminded Cory he is collecting synonyms for ejaculate for his forthcoming, multi-volume self-help book, “Terms for Sperms”. Feel free to contribute!