How Hard Can It Be?

Dear Cory:

What's the deal with Hymen? Is she a Greek or Roman goddess? Is she goddess at all? (a nymph perhaps?) Is this in any way related to the Hebrew (or is that Yiddish?) name Hyman (or is that also Hymen)? Is this name related to the name Herman (or "Hoiman" in the Bronx)? Why do I even want to know this? Well, it just came up in conversation and I didn't have clue.

--Roman Holiday


Dear RH:

To answer in order: no, no, no, no, no, I dunno.

Cory is trying to follow the stainless steel ball of your attention as it careens around the pinball machine of your mind. Fortunately, Cory has attention deficit disorder too, although he prefers the term "lateral thinker". Surely someday, someone will ask why Cory refers to himself in the third person.

Cory is a self-confessed player of the pink oboe: his understanding of female genitalia is sketchy, but let us assume that hymens are still standard issue. They figure little in North American life, it seems; virginity loss has about the same weight in our jaded time as picking up the latest Moffats CD at the mall. Hymen the tissue is from the Greek "humen" meaning membrane. Hymen or Hymenaius the Greek god, is the son of Aphrodite and Dionysus and the full brother of Priapus; his name probably comes for the Greek for hymn, the wedding hymn in particular. He is a god of marriage who died on his own wedding night. If Hymen appears in your bedroom on your wedding night bearing a smoking torch, apply for an annulment.

Hyman is the English version of Hebrew Chaim ("life"), with diminutives Mannie and Hymie. Herman is Latin or German ("high-ranking person" or "warrior"). Cory now regrets he is not Jewish and will have no issue, since he has so many cool names for kids in mind. Cory means "from the hollow". Hollow comes from the Old English "holh" meaning hole. Isn't this where I started?