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Dearest Cory:
I have a problem. See, I have this fuck buddy and well, I sent him some email the other day. Now Cory, let me tell you, this man is hot and wild and I figured he would just love some hot and wild email. The problem is that it is a shared email address, and my fuck buddy’s friend/editor/business partner read this last one. Now that I know he read the email I sent and it bothered him, I really want to send more and nastier ones to my fuck buddy so it drives his friend/editor/business partner crazy! My question is twofold: Am I being mean? And should I just quit while the quitting is good?
-- I Really Like Nasty Email
Dear IRLNE:
What an ethical minefield you have wandered into, and how right you are to come here for some careful sapping. Before we begin, let me explain for my sheltered and my heterosexual readers that a “fuck buddy” is a type of gay male relationship that involves sex on repeated occasions and no other expectations, obligations or rights. One might think of it as untrammeled joy, and how few of life’s joys are untrammeled. No wonder, IRLNE, you are so enthusiastic.
A good fuck buddy is hard to find, and a hot and wild one rarer still. Like you, Cory has found that hotness and wildness are often provoked by talking dirty, and Cory’s enormous vocabulary allows him to talk dirty in some truly amazing, though sometimes incomprehensible, ways. Hot and nasty email gives the sender the luxury of time away from the pressure of performance wherein to arrange the kindling of his naughty words until it flares into a veritable torch of smut. What better way to express to a fuck buddy appreciation for a job well done?
Your little electronic three-way is not without dangers. You might perhaps reflect on the ups and downs of your own erotic and romantic life. Remember that Valentine’s Day which came along just after your boyfriend (probably named Justin) dumped you, when no-one called, and you were forced by incipient starvation to leave your home and witness love-besotted couples walking hand in hand? Remember how you wanted to smash their heads in? Well, for all you know, IRLNE, your fuck buddy’s friend/editor/business partner is bereft of nookie, untrammeled or otherwise, and could come after you in a fit of jealous rage. Or he could feel just plain left out.
You’re not being mean, you’re intoxicated by lust. To employ a fifties phrase, you’re being a cock tease (unless your secret plan is to invite the friend/editor/business partner along for some real-time buddyhood a trois). Otherwise, quit while the quitting is good and use other media to talk dirty to your buddy. Cory, a medium in himself, might be talked into assisting.
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