How Hard Can It Be?

Dear Cory:

Why do gay dudes need brand name designer underwear?

Baffled at the gym


Dear BATG:

Cory understands your pain. He can only feel pity for the degree of insecurity and suckerhood that would compel any “dude”, no matter which fly he’s flagging, to purchase the high-priced offerings of Tommy, Calvin, Undergear, 2Xist and other fashion raptors. You are an astute observer, dear correspondent: gay men are in the Special Victims Unit of underwear designers. Do homosexual men really have that much disposable income? Couldn’t they give to the poor instead?

Men’s underwear in all of its practical and attractive manifestations was well worked out by 1945. If you doubt, please read the exhaustive study at: http://www.vintageskivvies.com/pages/archives.html Note the thong is not included in this working out – to adapt the late Jack Paar’s definitive assessment of the briefs or boxers crisis of 1964, it’s like wearing a slingshot (but much less manly).

It seems gay men often cannot resist taking items straight men wear and re-designing them so they lose their male magnetism. This is a tragic misapplication of creativity. In the immodest parade of designer underwear at Cory’s gymnasium, tiny tight briefs are in right now, as are acidic colours and little redundant straps. Cory does not know what this display is intended to communicate, but what he perceives, after he suppresses a shudder, is a want of erotic awareness. Who did not find Steve next door devastating when he peeled to his white t-shirt and his white briefs or his manly, baggy, patterned boxers? Why is it wrong that Steve’s mom shopped at Sears? Why do we need to fix this? Sex appeal is a fragile thing and we mess with it at our peril (see also Cory’s answer entitled Gas! Gas! Gas!).